Men In the Battle Against Domestic Violence

 Professor Ulester Douglas of Emory University

 http://www.idvaac.org/assemblingthepieces/articles/meet/douglas.html

Sixteen undergraduates made history this spring by completing MSV’s first-ever academic course offering at Emory University. The course, Male Intimate Partner Violence Against Women: Critical Issues and Concepts, taught by Ulester Douglas (UD), was the vision of the late Dr. Rudolph Byrd. At the time of its offering, there was no course within Emory College that focused on male intimate partner violence against women or used a community-engaged learning approach to this issue. Students gave their seal of approval by unanimously rating the course as excellent in their final evaluations.
- It is the best class I have taken at Emory and I am a senior.
- Very rarely do students get the opportunity to learn from someone who can speak not only to textbooks applications, but also to real-world and real life experiences.
- Ulester and Dominick (TA for the course) were two of the best teachers I have had at Emory.
UD: “Teaching this course provided an exciting opportunity to reach today’s and tomorrow’s leaders. When students are exposed to this kind of material it raises the stakes that they would do something, take action, to help prevent violence against women. There is still a high degree of indifference to male violence against women, in part because of the lack of knowledge about the issue”
- Almost everything I was taught in this class was new information and I learned to think of abuse in completely new and different ways.
- Before (the class on stalking) I didn’t take stalking very seriously, and afterwards I was aware of its severity and importance.
- I never before thought about the ways in which immigrant women constituted a vulnerable group for domestic violence. [This course] helped me expand upon the ways I view Intersectionality.

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Stop Calling It Adultery and Call It Abuse

Jack Schaap was the pastor of First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana, the largest Independent Fundamental Baptist church in America. If you do not know his name, you may know the name of the church's founder and his father-in-law, legendary fundamentalist, Jack Hyles.

Schaap has been caught up in what many are calling an "adultery scandal" and was fired this week. Yet, what many are missing is particularly important and requires immediate change.
It is time to stop calling this "adultery" and time to call it what it is, "abuse."
If you're not familiar with the situation, here's a short recap from The Chicago Tribune:

An evangelical megachurch pastor has lost his job and is being investigated by the Lake County, Ind., Sheriff's Department after admitting that he had an "improper relationship" with a young woman, a spokesman for First Baptist Church of Hammond said.

A board of deacons decided to fire Jack Schaap on Monday night and then reported allegations to the Sheriff's Department on Tuesday because it was unclear whether the woman was a minor, spokesman Eddie Wilson said.

The sheriff's office confirmed in a statement released Wednesday that the inquiry involves "alleged misconduct with a juvenile" and said the FBI is also investigating.

The church, which claims 15,000 regular attendees, posted a news release on its website stating that Schaap was dismissed "due to a sin that has caused him to forfeit his right to be our pastor. ... Our church grieves over the need to take this action and the impact it will have on our people."

Wilson said that Schaap admitted to the deacons that he had an adulterous affair with the young woman, initially believed to be 16.

Reuters explains a key legal point:

Adultery is grounds for dismissal under the church's bylaws, and Schaap was fired on Monday following an internal investigation, Wilson said. Schaap and his wife are trying to reconcile their marriage, he said.

The age of consent in Indiana is 16. However, authorities are investigating whether Schaap may have taken the girl across state lines to Illinois -- where the consent age is 17 -- when she was 16, according to Wilson. The girl is said to now be 17.

Schaap is 54 and news reports quote church officials as saying the girl was 16. If the church is correct, that is a 37-38 year difference depending on Schaap's age at the time. He is old enough to be her grandfather.

Several people are referring to this as "adultery" because they haven't determined exactly which state the sexual contact took place. While it obviously is sex outside of marriage, this is not just adultery. This is abuse. I don't care what state it was in. Some have tried to compare this to other moral failures-- it is not the same thing and you should not trivialize such abuse with invalid comparisons.
A 54-year old pastor taking advantage, both sexually and emotionally, of a 16-year old girl goes far beyond the bounds of desecrating the marital bed and making immoral choices. This is a prime example of abusing the power and trust of an office. It was part of the problem at Penn State, and it is the problem in this situation.

If you are a pastor, you should not just be sad, you should be outraged-- and you should speak up. You don't need to wait until the FBI figures out in which state a 54-year old pastor had sex with a 16-year old girl-- you can (and should) call it sexual abuse-- right now.
It is not adultery, it is abuse. It does not matter if it was in Indiana, Michigan, or Illinois, it matters that it is abuse and we call it that. Pastors/shepherds are supposed to protect their members, not prey on them.

Adultery is bad but you have to protect children by calling abuse what it is-- if we call this adultery it arms predators and endangers the next generation. Stand up and speak up for what it is-- sexual abuse of a child. Defending this based on which state this occurred in is bizarre, yet that is exactly what is going on from some pastors.

Speak up, Independent Fundamental Baptists, speak up! Jack Schaap spiritually and physically abused a teen in his pastoral care. That is what matters most now.
Do I care for Jack Schaap? Yes, I do. I prayed for him and his wife-- I pray he gets counseling for the issues that would cause him to abuse a 16-year old girl in his care. But, I am much more concerned about the girl he victimized. I hear little about her-- and too many people talking about "adultery."

Stop.

Don't say, "But it is legal for a 54-year old to have sex with a 16-year old in Illinois." Listen to those words before you say them. Consider your daughter.
In many states, this is considered sexual abuse or molestation. Whether that is the case legally, it appears, is still to be determined, but it is the case morally. Sixteen-year-olds do not commit adultery with 54-year-old pastors. They are abused by them.

Say it:

She is a child.

This is sexual abuse.

Stop calling it adultery and call it abuse. Act like men and speak up, Independent Fundamental Baptists.

This morning, I talked to one young leader in the movement who said, "Why is no one speaking up?" I agree. Those who justify enable more such scandals and endanger more children.
IFB friends, your movement has had way too many scandals, and many of you have expressed concern about such-- so speak up now. (There are plenty of lists of such scandals already.) Secrecy and circling the wagons breeds this kind of behavior and is destroying children and your movement. Your young pastors are leaving and your children are in danger.

It is abuse.

It must stop.

And it must stop now.

Speak up.

By Ed Stetzer, Christian Post Guest Columnist

August 4, 2012 9:33 am

Read more at http://www.christianpost.com/news/call-it-what-it-is-its-not-adultery-its-abuse-79448/#F5YVGJJxfG7Vm89R.99

Abuse and the Miracle of Recovery

by Joyce Meyer

During my childhood I was abused sexually, emotionally, verbally and physically. Many of you have also been abused, or you deal with someone in your life who comes from an abusive, dysfunctional background

What does abuse mean? It means "to misuse, to use improperly, to use up or to injure by maltreatment." The effects of abuse can be devastating and long-lasting. Many people never recover from it. Let me give you a brief definition of the four types of abuse.
Sexual abuse: considered to be the most degrading and offensive; consists of rape, molestation, incest, exhibitionism, voyeurism and obscene phone calls.
Emotional abuse: consists of withholding attention, loving touches and words of acceptance. Love is only given based on acceptable performance. Abandonment is a type of emotional abuse and can occur when one or both parents leave the child physically or mentally. Adults can also experience abandonment if important people in their lives leave suddenly or violently.
Verbal abuse: can be overt or covert. Overt: aggressive, angry words that say you're flawed or unacceptable. Covert: loving words of acceptance that help you develop properly are withheld.
Physical abuse: consists of beatings, unfair discipline, being locked in closets or dark rooms and withholding food.

Although I appeared to function normally in society, I had multiple inward problems and complicated personality disorders. There were several things going on in me at the time that prevented me from receiving and experiencing the righteousness, peace and joy of God's kingdom (see Romans 14:17). But Jesus came so that we could have and enjoy kingdom living.
I was bitter about my past and had a chip on my shoulder, which caused me to have the attitude that everyone owed me preferential treatment. I was full of self-pity, especially if things didn't go my way. I was controlling, manipulative, fearful, insecure and harsh. I was just plain hard to get along with and often downright obnoxious. I was judgmental, suspicious and very negative. I experienced a lot of guilt and condemnation. I had a shame-based nature; therefore, everything I attempted was poisoned. Since I didn’t like who I was, I spent many years trying to be like someone else. I'm sure you get the picture—I was quite a mess!
Now, what I'm getting ready to say is important. I was born again and actively involved in church life. We attended church regularly and did church work. Our lives revolved around the church, but I was not getting victory over my problems. In fact, the really sad part was that I didn't even understand that I had a problem. I thought everyone else had a problem and that if they would change, I would be happy.
In 1976, I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Acts 1:8 speaks of receiving God's power to be His witnesses. Notice it does not say to do witnessing but to be witnesses. The Bible says we are to be living epistles and read by all men (see 2 Corinthians 3:2), light in a dark world, and the salt of the earth (see Matthew 5:13-14). Doing is a different thing than being. I had my outside polished up, but my inner life was a wreck. Quite often the inner turmoil exploded, and then everybody could see I wasn't quite what I appeared to be.
The outpouring of the Holy Spirit in my life gave me a real love for God's Word and an ability to understand it like never before. Second Corinthians 3:18 says looking into the Word of God is like looking into a mirror which transforms us into His image from glory to glory. I have been changing ever since. I have changed and changed and changed. And I'm still changing! Most of those problems are completely gone, and the rest only flare up occasionally. I even look different—younger, happier, more peaceful.
Second Corinthians 5:17 says that if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things have passed away; and all things are made new. But that really doesn't mean everything from the past just vanishes. The Amplified Bible brings it out this way: Behold, the fresh and new has come! In other words, without Jesus there is no hope for newness of life. The past always affects the future without the power of God to overcome it. But even with Jesus, we are not automatically free from the past. When the fresh and new comes, there is opportunity to be free. But we must give the Word of God an exalted place in our lives. We must face the truth as it is revealed to us in His Word, and then the truth will set us free as it is acted upon.
I want to encourage you to keep pressing on! Philippians 1:6 says that He who has begun a good work in you is able to bring it to completion. You will keep changing if you stay in God's Word and keep looking to Jesus, who is the author and the finisher of your faith (see Hebrews 12:2). Now I am enjoying the kingdom living of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. And no matter what you've experienced in your past or how many problems you have, God will do a miracle for you! He will change you into the image of Jesus Christ and give you a new life worth living!

http://www.joycemeyer.org/articles/ea.aspx?article=abuse_and_the_miracle_of_recovery

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This article is taken from Joyce's DVD teaching, Trusting God When You Don't Understand.